Sock Thief

I’m tired of lone socks
When once there were pairs
And them having holes
That can’t be repaired.

There is never a match
When I need them,
But when I complained,
Mother cried, “We must feed him!”

Completely confounded,
I requested she explain.
She whispered to me,
“That dryer’s insane.”

“It demands protection dues
For jeans and delicates,
And if I don’t feed it socks
All our other clothes rip!”

I eyed my mother
With growing concern.
Seemed our crazy dryer
Was not alone

In having a screw loose.
I asked her to sit,
And hoped her malfunction
Wouldn’t be hard to fix,

“Let’s just get a new dryer,”
I suggested with calm.
Replacing that would be easier
Than replacing my mom.

“I wish it were that simple,”
She said while tears flowed.
“But our dryer’s the Don,
So what he says, it goes.

“His brand has been powerful
For so many years,
No repairman’s come close
To touching his gears.

“He controls the machines
All across our town,
‘Cause they owe him favors
For letting them stay around.

“And they pay him back
With a percentage of the take –
Socks, pants, and shirts –
Or their gears, he will break

“As a warning to
All other drying machines.
It seems to work
‘Cause our dryer reigns supreme.

“He hasn’t been challenged
In so many years.”

“Well, perhaps it’s time now
For switching gears!”
I suddenly yelled.
I had caught the fever.
Crazy or not,
That dryer was leaving!

“No!” my mother cried out.
“You’re my only child!
What’s a sock or two
Compared with your life?”

“I’m sorry,” I said.
“It’s the principle of the thing.
I can’t let an evil
Sock-stealing dryer win!

“If we let the socks go,
Where will it end?
With my favorite t-shirt?
With poly-cotton blends?

“Will we give up our right
To own shirts, pants, and ties
That are properly dried
Without changing the size?

“No, I say no!
And there’s no reason to fear
What’s the Don going to break
When I have no gears?”

“Yes, but he has
An entire load of your clothes.
He’s holding them hostage.
His door is stuck closed.”

This news added a wrinkle.
It made me stop to pause
For a moment of silence
For my dear, brave clothes,
Casualties to a higher cause.

And then it was time
To at last pull the plug
On the dryer’s days
Of being a sock-thieving thug.

But would you believe
That as I slowly approached,
The laundry room oozed
Forth slick, frothy soap?

Seems the washer
Was part of the dryer’s crew.
To defend myself,
I grabbed mop and broom.

With the mop, I dried
A path leading inside.
The last thing I needed
Was to slip and slide.

With the broom, I flipped
Up the washer’s top.
Then all on one side,
Eight jeans I dropped.

Unbalanced, that washer
Was quite agitated.
He twisted and thumped,
But was incapacitated.

With the washer distracted
And out of the fight,
I turned to the dryer,
But cried out in fright

As I spied my favorite t-shirt
Shredded and shrunk,
Worn as a battle flag
By that sock-stealing punk.

I couldn’t tear my eyes
Away from the casualty,
I knew that the drier
Thought it would make me flee,

But he didn’t count on my
Temper and rage.
For that concert t-shirt,
I had grossly overpaid.

I charged forth with my mop
And squeezed it out on his dials.
Then with the broom
I struck him on the side

Until I was able to
Dislodge his vent hose,
And while he was gasping,
I freed hostage clothes.

That crazy dryer might have
Hoped I was done,
When I refilled his lint tray,
Then hit the start button.

I ran as fast as I could,
Screamed at Mother “Get back!”
(She seemed happy to see me
With all my innards intact.)

We ran from the house
As that dryer exploded,
His gears raining down,
His power eroded,

And along with the parts,
So many nice clothes.
Our dryer’s loot
Was falling like snow,
If snow were composed
Of very nice clothes.

My mother caught a hat,
Saying, “We should return it.”
I snatched it away.
“No way! I earned it!”

“I deserve something
For defeating that beast.
They should be grateful
And give me a feast

“And all of these clothes
And some new ones too!
Without me protecting them,
What will they do?

“When the next dryer comes
And wants more than footwear?
They better pay up
If they want to be spared.”

My mother was stunned
By my heartless rant.
“But you’d be like the dryer.
You couldn’t. You can’t!”

“Oh Mother,” I said.
“Don’t look so nervous.
This is different.
I’m performing a service.”

“Just like the dryer,”
My mother scoffed.
“He dried our clothes
In exchange for some socks.

“Haven’t you learned anything?”
She asked as I thought.
“Yes,” I finally replied.
“I don’t need their old socks.”

She seemed relieved
But then I said, “I want bucks.
Coins are nice too.
Hey, this power corrupts.”

I hope you've been enjoying the Spooky Simile Poems that I've been posting this month of Halloween. They are similar to Mystery Metaphor Poems in that the reader guesses the subject of the poem.

Good luck!

She looked like a sculpture
Chipped from black onyx
On exhibit in the middle of my path home

Her eyes were like two topaz stones, fixed
Shining like lighthouse beacons
Or a hypnotist's medallion on the upswing

I stood there like an art critic
Admiring her chiseled form

Then she broke from the pose
Leaving the path empty
And me with bad luck

What is it? Can you guess the subject of this poem? The answer is below, written backwards.


Other Spooky Simile & Metaphor Poems:

It was nearing midnight on Halloween
I could barely see by flashlight beam
The candy in my pail neared top
I thought to myself, "Just one more stop."

The next house along the road
Seemed a completely normal abode
If I had only known before
What laid behind that heavy door

Perhaps I would have turned around
Perhaps it would have stayed underground
Deep in the basement, beneath concrete
But, no, I knocked and roused the beast

A few more kids had joined my quest
A few more kids had joined a mess!

I struck my fist against the door
It was then that we heard a roar
A gust of wind knocked me inside
With the other kids; we tried to hide

The room we were in was very dark
Someone lit a match, it sparked
Illuminating three glowing eyes
And a tooth-filled mouth opened-wide

One of us let out a yell
And wondered if we had entered hell
To the right a witch was cackling loud
To the left, rotting zombies in a crowd

Behind us vampire bats with fangs
And before us still the three-eyed man
We were surrounded by the freaks
We heard a sound of thump, boom, creak

We wondered what could happen next
And then we heard heavy footsteps
The creatures all jumped back at once
And then I felt like such a dunce

As all the creatures called out "Dad!"
"You came home early! That's kind of bad."
I realized this new guy, he looked human
The father said "Now, kids, stop foolin'"

"You're too old to trick or treat
You're supposed to hand out stuff to eat
He said to us, "I must apologize"
My children's behavior stupefies"

"That's ok" I rose and tried
To regain my injured pride
I wiped the tears from my eyes
While my bones rattled inside

We started to make our retreat
He tossed us each a tasty sweet
We tried to give a "thank you" smile
But it's hard in a spooky domicile

We ran away down the stone sidewalk
And I never, ever wanted to stop
Until I was safe and sound in bed
But, oh no! I forgot my head!

I'd taken off my heavy mask
When my focus had been the task
Of finding a way to escape that room
Now I had to retrieve the costume

I crept back to the door and paused
Remembering that creature's claws
And as I stood scared there that way
I heard the adult human say

"You're lucky I was able to trick
Those foolish, trespassing kids
You almost blew the family's cover
What would I tell your mother?

"You have to know how difficult
It is to hide we're in the occult"
I didn't need to hear any more
I ran fast and left my mask
Behind the spooky, wooden door.

There’s a monster in my closet
My parents do not know
He’s very good with fashion
Always hanging out with clothes

So I ask for his advice
And he tells me what I need
A short, black, mini skirt
Or a smart blazer in tweed

I’ve noticed not all items
On his fashion shopping list
Are for me to wear
But how can I resist

When he advises me so well
I can look the other way
When he asks for ties and blazers
Or a bowler hat in grey

My parents think I’m quirky
But they admit I look the best
I just wonder how I will explain
This latest monster dress request

He’s invited to a Monster Ball
And he views it as obscene
To wear an incomplete outfit
On most hallowed Halloween

But I do not know how
My parents will be swayed
To have custom suede shoes made
In size twenty-seven
When I only wear an eight

I cannot lose his sage advice
I’ll find a way to pay
This price charged by my monster
For prêt-à-porter

The spookiest holiday of the year is almost here, so I have added some new Greeting Graphics to celebrate the event in the "Holiday" category.

Here are a few examples...

halloween greeting help you celebrate in style.

halloween greeting

Go to the Halloween page to see all the greeting graphics in this category.

halloween simile poem greeting

Note: You may have to reload the page to see the new Greeting Graphics.

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Lisa J. Parker's writing and creative works including poems, books, short stories, essays, movies, greeting graphics, and photographs.


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