Don't Drink Bees

You should always get eight hours of sleep a night, because if you don't bad things will happen.

Sure, you won't be well-rested and you won't be thinking clearly and you might run into large, inanimate objects (like the refrigerator) or large, animate objects (like the school bully).

But that will be the least of your troubles. What's a bruised head and a few missing permanent teeth anyway?

You should be worried about the Dream Mafia. Yeah, you heard right. The Dream Mafia. You've probably heard of their former leader Mr. Sandman and the current don Signore Boogieman. They are not to be messed with - and they expect you to sleep a minimum of eight hours with no interruptions.

Why, you ask?

As their name implies, the Dream Mafia deals in dreams. And a few hours of sleep here and there do not produce the quality of dream that the mafia is looking for – and that the Hollywood executives have come to expect from the mafia.

That's right. This mafia makes its money hawking your dreams to Hollywood studios.

I mean, where did you think all those creative TV and movie scripts came from? Conscious people? Please, be serious.

I know if you think about it, everything will begin to make sense. Where else could Lost or Twin Peaks or Moulin Rouge or the latest Pixar flick come from but somebody's dreaming head?

You may be thinking, "Not my dreams. I don't even remember them."

To that I say, why do you think you don't remember them? Because they're missing! They were taken by the Dream Mafia. Congratulations! Maybe they'll leave you alone for a while. Maybe.

You may be saying to yourself, "I don't owe those Dream Mafia guys anything. Why should I give them my dreams?"

To that I say, protection. Or you could call it an insurance policy. Remember what the bully did to you when you ran into him? Imagine that every night for the rest of your life. Or even better, dream it.

Ever woken up in the morning with a bruise or a scratch or a "bug bite"? You wonder, "How did that get there?" Well, wonder no longer. The mafia was sending you a message.

A small, subtle message to watch your back, keep your head on that pillow, and get some REM sleep - now!

You don't want to be wondering how you broke a leg or two in your sleep - or wishing you had something as nice as a horse head to accompany you into dreamland.

It's not worth fighting. Just close your eyes and have a nice uninterrupted, creative dream. Your life depends on it.

Wondering why I wrote this? Answer is: The Short, Short Writing Challenge on Face Book. This week, it's all about Tall Tales. Got a Tall Tale of your own to share - or want to read others? Check out Short, Short Writing Challenges.