Don't Drink Bees

Rayon

Oh, Rayon!
You hung beautifully on that rack
Tempting me with your gentle drape
I fell in love at first sight
And never thought to check the tag

Then I wore you
And you wrinkled, wrinkled
Wrinkled

And I washed you
And you never looked the same

And my grandfather
Who worked in textiles all his life,
Said, “Of course, it did. It’s rayon.”

But every time we meet
I hope you’ve changed
And I give you another chance

But you always wrinkle, wrinkle
Wrinkle

Spandex

Unforgiving spandex
I curse your invention
You leave nothing to the imagination

And I hoped my friends
Could imagine me quite differently
Just as I like to do

Mixed Blend

70% polyester
15% cotton
10% rayon
5% spandex

What iron setting?

Pleather

Oh, pleather
My love forever
In any weather
My cheap faux leather

I’m like a rebel
Without a large charge
To my credit card
Whenever we’re together

Well, until your seams sever
Oh why, so short a life, my pleather?