So it's been almost a year since my last post, and I have a series of excuses at the ready to relate....

Excuse #1

I'm a mother of a two-year-old now. A two year old who has never been much of a nap taker and who has far more energy than I do. Taking care of his needs takes up all my time. And at the end of the day, I'm too tired to form the sentences and to remember those smaller things that make up sentences, you know, those... starts with a "w." Anyway, those w-things appear in my head in witty dialogues throughout my day, but by the time my little angel is finally asleep at night, my head is devoid of any thought except to see what I can watch on Hulu or Netflix in between loads of laundry.

Excuse #2

I've been so busy with company. My mother-in-law was visiting for almost 6 months. Then my mother was here for a month and a half. Now I'm getting ready for my youngest brother to come stay with us. You know how it is with visitors, they turn your life upside down. There's extra preparations and extra work. And there's socializing and driving places for shopping and festivals. And there's watching Netflix videos together. There's just no way to fit in writing between all the activities. And besides, wouldn't it be rude to sit with my back to my visitors while I wrote down all those witty dialogues that contain all those w-things that might possibly involve thinly veiled anecdotes about those very visitors?

Excuse #3

I upgraded to the latest b2evolution release, and I lost my skins, so my website looked like an inconsistent, amateur mess. And I couldn't remember how I had customized those skins in the first place. And the software had changed so much, I wasn't sure I should even bother remembering; there was probably a new way to do it now. And it wasn't easy to find a solid block of time to read online manuals and to experiment with code (see above excuses), so every time I'd try to work on the problem, I'd be interrupted, and by the time I got back to looking at the manuals and the code, I couldn't remember what I had done the last time. So I was always starting at square one. And looking at my messy site just depressed me too much to even think about w-things and blogging. So I plugged into Hulu and Netflix and forgot that I had ever even had a site and wondered why I bothered paying to be hosted.

Excuse #4

My husband works from home a lot, so I either have to kick him off the "good computer" or I have to work at the almost 9-year-old dinosaur computer and try not to fall asleep while I save my posts or wait for previews to appear. Zzzzzzzzzzzz... (Sorry. I just hit the "save" button. Must have dozed off waiting for the screen to refresh. Now, were was I?)

Excuse #5

I lost myself somewhere, and that is the real, unveiled truth. I became Mommy, daughter-in-law, homemaker, play-date-arranger, grocery shopper, meal preparer, laundry cleaner, etc.

At first it was difficult pushing down the little voice inside me that was screaming to be heard. But after numerous recitations of a litany of "first I have to's," the voice became quieter. Then, after subjecting her to entire seasons of television shows on Netflix and Hulu, the voice became dejected and only sulked. But she sulked quietly, so it was easy to fill my days with chores and time passes.

I stayed comfortably in quadrants 1 and 4 (from Covey's First Things First of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) until recently.

What changed?

I made new friends, had conversations, noticed my multisyllabic vocabulary coming back to me, read articles and books for myself again, got off caffeine, remembered that those w-things are words and that they are still retrievable - even at the end of the day when my little angel is asleep in bed.

And I remembered who I am and what I enjoy doing most (writing) and when I am at my best (when I am writing and not when I'm watching too much tv).

And I remembered that I not only enjoy writing, I'm actually good at it. And I'm not finished. I still have a lot more to say.

Some of my stories may not be ready to be told (excuse #6), but that doesn't mean that I can't leave those ideas to percolate and move on to other story ideas on my list.

I have to get out of my own way, getting caught up in worrying about what is marketable and worrying about who will read what I am writing and what they might think. I also need to stop adopting personas and stop pretending that I am more confident than I am and know more than I do.

I need to remember my passion and follow it wherever it leads.

And tonight it has led me to work on the dinosaur computer and post to my still-messy site while my two-year-old sleeps and my brother plans his trip to Texas.

So long, Excuses! Hello again, Me!

February 2019
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In 2007, we moved to Austin, and this blog chronicled our adaptation to Texas life: festivals, wildflowers, and bats - oh my! Then we had a baby, and that changed everything, so now, we blog about where to buy organic food, what parks are fun for babies, which exterminator is taking care of our scorpion problem. (You know, the usual parental concerns.)


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