Austin Blues

Today the bugman was back again. Tis the season. Spring, when the flowers bloom, the birds sing, and the spiders and scorpions come crawling in. And when we call our bug people.

Yes, we have people. They come every other month and spray some nontoxic barrier around the foundation of our house - usually on a rainy day (although they swear that doesn't make a difference).

The barrier is supposed to keep out the critters. It's also supposed to be composed of the most nontoxic stuff ever. Whenever the bugman comes to spray the inside of the house, he assures me it's safe, it's used in daycares, it's used in his own home and he has kids (with three eyes mind you, but other than that I'm sure they are perfectly healthy), it's like baking soda (well, I've never heard of anyone dying from too much baking soda and it might have the added benefit of eliminating pesky household odors), it's toxic to the critters but not too humans (ohhhhh, like kryptonite for bugs), it's tasty on waffles when you are out of baking soda (okay, maybe he didn't actually say that).

But seriously, how can the stuff kill, murder, extinguish the life from a bad old poisonous scorpion and not be even the teeniest, weeniest harmful to humans? Are scorpions really from the planet Krypton? Or maybe they are more closely related to vampires? Baking soda, garlic. Both kitchen staples. Something to think about.

Regardless, we had to call the bugman because we were starting to see spiders, and of course, then spider bites on me (because I attract everything with a mandible).

And then, we found a small, harmless bug on the baby. But harmless or not, it shouldn't be there. We have a service, a kryptonite shield, a bug-toxic baking soda boundary. A six-legged shadow shouldn't fall upon our baby, never mind an actual insect. That's what we pay for.

So the call was made, the bugman cometh, and the baby and I tooketh a walk until the completely nontoxic spray dissipateth.

Call me crazy, but if I can smell something funky in the air, I don't want to breathe it in - or use it in my waffles.